The defeat is in the reality that it’s constant.
Just always fucking going, the head doesn’t stop and the outside world is a reflection of it.
They do they same thing, as a group, visualize the population as a colony of termites holding hands, making one big pulsing thing. The termites all pile together, and they all form a brain.
Same shit.
The outside doesn’t stop and neither do I.
Even if you hook up with a spirit of motivation or clarity,,mmmm, fleeting.
The outside world does the same thing, tosses blankets on that shit….perhaps distraction, monkey mind, shiney object syndrome .
Perhaps meds. Perhaps.
I opted out of health insurance this year because I want to ninja kick the bastards,punk mother fuckers holding the keys to your biology,professional medical treatment now requires engagement with the greater system , hardcore engagement,therapy was expensive as a bastard,medical shit in general,,,it’s good you can take care of yourself, as every living person should,,,but everyone running some kind of scam, all day every day. And I thought I was strong as an ox, and I used to be,
Meh. It’s made me shakey. Sometimes. Even if I had no part in making the masses,,,,
The head doesn’t stop.
Good shit and bad shit, dumb shit and fun shit,
It just goes and goes,, and it’s really frustrating sometimes, my bad. Wish I didn’t dump shit and I’d like to get to a place where I didn’t need to dump shit,,still,,, points on dumping shit, stabbing at creative and outlet and stuff…but but but but but……
The head doesn’t stop. And I can’t seem to find square one, and that shit nobody’s problem but mine.
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Such beautiful weather out. It’s easily the best season of the South’s weather.Lovely fall,, Leaves changing colors,, hay starting to dry in the fields, perfect temp, Perfect for driving. Carolina has certain features that I never quite found in other regions . The topography of the state is so varied, but this place, all woods. The roads had to be cut through the woods, these curvy roads,,,and the tree limbs create canopies , like you’re driving in a tree tunnel. Towards the evening there’s glints of light slipping through the newly brown leaves, everything gets an orange effect..the smell changes, you can smell the leaves becoming brittle,,The windows down, hand gliding on wind resistance, ,,,,a beautiful chunk of land.
Sucks it has such a poor reputation, because of history ,
Not so many that read and talk so good,,,,lot of heart though.
I so enjoy marijuana at the end of the day. But I always end up pacing back and forth, thinking in loops. Long stretches of time, entertaining the pattern and chain smoking… it’s fucked.
Hours. I do that shit for hours.
Perhaps meds, perhaps over a jungle vine,perhaps over chronic whiskey and spliffs,perhaps it’s time. I need this thing to pipe down.
dawn 