dawn

I like sitting at the end of the day and thinking.

Letting your brain unpack where you were, what you heard, who you were around.

I think of where I stood outside during lunch, and how nice the grass was, the two trees I’ve become fond of, the pleasant fuckin breeze..

Then I zip back to work, because it’s so much of our time, stuff we do, effort we put in, fires we put out and balls we juggle.

To live.

Then I think about the people I’m close to, I think about my friends and how long I’ve known them, I think about new connection and wonder what’s in store.

Then I think about the world.

I think about tariffs and talking heads in front of cameras, and people trying to make it “funny” and the terror of being so tied in..

(I was just born here)

That topic can suck you in, whether you’re invested or not.

I spend a lot of time thinking.

Probably too much.

Hate myself for that, but I feel like I can’t be anything different.. little thinker going nowhere.

But where is where?

Where do you have to go anyway?

Happiness is not what you were told, it’s not in groups or in purchases or in validation..

SO then where?

Alone?

On a slice of land, far removed from people..

ANd I thought, during lunch, I thought about how I watch these two trees, and my thought was jolted shut by the sound of the highway..the sound of you.

Those four lanes, those engine braking tractor trailer, those diesel rednecks..

So loud.

I was having such a nice little slice of time,, and you ruined it..

(Or you chose a poor spot to have a slice of time)

After years and years of this..

You might hate yourself.

But you started out hating yourself, so what does it matter??

Someone comes along and says

“I’m interested in your brain?”

I’m sorry,,what’s that?

You looked?

Why did you look?

(You feel like it’s not worth looking at)

I do.

And while it’s sad,,it grants me great freedom.

To be detached, from this game.

To be out of it, apart,distanced, removed, expunged,exiled…

I’m not with you.

Play by rules because you have to, but I don’t care about it,, not on a real level,,

(Satisfaction)

And the lack thereof..

Exhale.

Back to people, human connection,

I’m glad someone noticed.

Being alone is hard.

And that’s fuckin human for ya.

Hoo mannn.

The same shit you are.

Human.

Better or worse, comparison or none..

Human.

A heart, some lungs,a liver and a brain.

(And a pool of chemicals in which it sitssssss)

Hmmmm….

I love thinking.

I don’t think it’s good for me.

Past a point of usefulness..

The cool part?

I can see through your bullshit.

I can see through all bullshit.

Because I think about it.

Chief .