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dawn

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8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter

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-1. Number one has got to be “no inhalant cocaine”

That’s gotta be #1, right?

Under no circumstances, are you to ignite flame near the concentrated product of the Coca plant.

Just don’t do it.

Mankind was not meant to fly that close to the sun ,,,and it will make devils out of people.

I’ve seen it.

-2.Parents.

If you meet someone and you actually care, you should lead in with “how’s your relationship with your parents?”

It’ll tell you everything.

-3. Masturbation is better.

Safer. Cheaper.Ready at a moment’s notice. Nobody gets hurt.Fap away.

-4. Goals.

Where the fuck are you tryna get to?

If you can’t answer that, I’m sorry, but you’re one of “those”. Listless and feckless , adrift among the days (lyric, not mine)

-5.How is your relationship to overall intoxicants? not just cocaine.

“Do you need it?”

Can you make it through a day, nay, a week with “nothing?” Will it break you? Will you curl into a little ball and lay on the floor,,like a fetus?

A Cletus fetus beneath us?

-6.What are your interests?

What do you love?

What do you do in your free time?

What would you do,regardless if anyone liked it?

-7. How do you treat animals and service industry workers?

I knew a girl once,,ugh,,brutal.

Demeaning .

“Thou art beneath my station”

Yes, your majesty, right away your majesty..

-8. What does your internet history say about you?

Your digital footprint?

Have you been talking that shit? For years now?

What kind of porn have you watched?

How much porn have you watched?

Did you argue with strangers in the comment section?

Did you wish death upon people you’ll never meet???

——

Oh…

Shame on me.

I blew through these, trying to make it to 8, I completely bypassed points.

Things that are actually important.

Violence.

What is your relationship to violence?

Have you ever put hands on someone, not in self-defense?

If you did, was it a fair fight?

Were you evenly matched?

—–

Differences and variety.

I’m not going to virtue signal, would rather keep it simple.

Are you “live and let live”?

Do you think that who and what you are ,is better than what anyone else is?

—-

Human foolishness.

We are.

That’s what we are.

I don’t care to hide from it, you can spend a lot of energy doing that.

Somebody told me that God punishes you through your children, IE.

“If you were a ‘ladies man’, you’ll get a daughter. And she’ll have to deal with younger versions of you out there. ANd you’ll have to watch”

And if you were a codependent, soft hearted woman,,, you’ll get an animal.

An absolute animal ..

No intravenous drugs.. you shouldn’t even have to say it..

In

Tro.

Vey.

Nus.

(vee. Not vey)

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