dawn

Unusable frequency sometimes,

Just static.

Jagged edges of a sine wave.

Unusable.

Can’t shake it tonight, just one of those times. I don’t feel right and I feel that I’ll never feel right again,

Just the head,

All in the head.

I don’t know what I feel but I don’t feel right.

I don’t bother people and it’s my problem alone, that’s fine.

But God damn it,

Restless. No peace. Racing head.

The type of mood that hits and you’re not even interested in intoxication.

Nonsense,

Pouring alcohol on this vibe,

Smoking the planty plant.

Defeated.

And if I could astral project, I’d send my middle finger right to you.

This mood, some leftover teenager shit,

Fuckin angry, and I hate you and I hate the whole thing.

(calm…)

There is no calm!

Zero chill brah!

You see this shit ?

You see all this shit out here?!

(you’re fine, things are fine)

I’m dying and so are you!

Panic! Do something goddamn it,do anything!

(calm, peaceful, centered..

That’s you at your best.

Flow,easy, tranquil,breezy. Unable to kill by being unable to catch.)

It’s all so much… Fuck me it’s all so much.

(it’s like that for everyone, you’re not living a unique experience)

I know.. 😢

It’s just,,,just,,

(scary, frightening)

Yes.

(being alive is)

And nothing gets solved..

(it gets improved,just slowly. Saturn,the god of the pendulum, waxing and waning , time and ants walking in the same paths, doing it over and over until they learn)

At this rate I’ll learn when I’m 70.

(your bloodline typically lives to around 93-96, even with drinking and smoking)

Shit.

(yeah man, lot more nights like this, lot more a moods, lot more fuck yous)

I have to be past halfway, I must be past halfway done.

(careful how you phrase that,, just relax, breathe ,, panic doesn’t fix anything)

You’re right.

Right.

I get jealous of Christians sometimes, not often, but sometimes. They don’t think about these things. They don’t seem to worry.

Jealous.

I’m jealous of that.

Thinking there’s a plan, trusting in something,, geez , I bet that’s nice. Bet it’s a good feeling.. or a Xanax.

Could really go for a Xanax