dawn

And the AntiChrist will rise to political power , and everyone will praise him, and he will bring peace to all parties.

False Prophet.

Fake motherfucker.

Out there, acting like he’s on the side of “good”.

He’s not.

And there is the mental temptation of order beyond the chaos, and just like a person longs for some kind of afterlife….sigh…

They’ll want to believe this too.

Weird stories.

With weird characters.

I reflect and I giggle and I seek out all kinds of ways to amuse myself..

Hmm.

Get hit with a pang of something..

Then your head spins and once you’ve run out of energy..

There you are.

Sitting Indian style and all tuckered out.

Again.

“What’s this?”

“Why is that?”

ANd nobody can say and you suddenly feel so sad.

The darker side of isolation doesn’t hit until about a decade later..

(The Antichrist)

And the war, and the rapture, and the forces of Good squaring up with the forces of Evil…

And if you take someone like Israel Keyes, If you take a serial killer….someone detached..

He didn’t see the universe that way.

He saw himself as simply of force of nature, the chaos god of the random.

He saw no wrong and no right in his actions.

He didn’t think it was a big deal, doing terrible things to other humans.

Killing.

He saw everything as gray.

Just lives spinning along.

Nothing precious, nothing worth caring about..

So he held his job and hid his true self.

And he had relationships..

And a daughter.

(Two faces)

Dos cara.

(Why did you want to learn about these kind of people?)

Because it makes me feel like there is a difference.

Between right and wrong.

Everyone picks a side..

Conscious or not.

And I don’t like feeling sad.

And I’m sad that I don’t have anyone to play with.

And I’m sad that I can’t have what normal people have..And I spend a lot of time thinking about it.

ANd it makes you sad.

And I hate a lot about what is now.

I hate what people get wrapped up in.

And I hope good wins.

(Good)

But still..

I’m sad because I know it won’t.

I feel like it won’t.

And if I were a gambling man…

I don’t know man,, people are complicated/.

And if it’s Lights Out after death…

Then it doesn’t matter anyway.

And comedians were the first monkeys I ever heard mock the subject.

Not only mock, but dig into it and discuss it..

I never realized…that there were other people, and they didn’t believe in God.

And I was so sad for them, because they wouldn’t know real peace, and they would never receive the blessings of The Father.

And then they’d burn in hell….forever..

I was a “feely” little boy.

And a news story came on after a tornado, and there was a family standing in front of the rubble that had been their home yesterday..

And in that rubble there was a stuffed teddy bear..

And someone loved that bear.

But now, the weather had destroyed it and made it unclean…

And I went to my room..

And I cried and cried.

I balled for the owner of the stuffed animal, a kid, like me.And I went to ask my Mom if they’d be alright.

She told me that they have each other, and a family can rebuild and work through anything, and a tornado can’t stop that love, or a fire, or even death.

“So they’ll rebuild”

Yes, because they love each other.

The husband loves the wife and the children, and they love him.

And he will work, and he will carry them on his back, through the swamps.

And mother will nurture and teach lessons, teach to love animals and the Earth.

And teach forgiveness.

Teach surrender and encourage a relationship with Jesus…

Then you’re good.

Then you’re on the good path and you’re a real life “good guy”.//…/./../

I wanted it.

I would stay up late in my bed, and be excited for the future. Restless over all the good things that were coming my way..

(Just a boy and his God..)

“Mama said life is like a box of chocolates”

(Mama never did any acid)

Yeah….

Hey..

(???)

Talking made me feel better, and i was so grateful for the place to do it.. because i didn’t want to carry all that shit anymore….needed to speak..

Needed.

And that doesn’t mean a thing.

And regardless of all things,, I got to pour my heart out..

(And you felt less alone)

Hmm

Yea