So , recent developments with my all important outlet..
My friend, that I have deep conversations with, she found my blog..
I’m incredibly flattered and I was really worried about a person getting the context right.
So I thought..
“I’ll start over,, I’ll go back 2 years and I’ll start punching up the diary, one at a time”
Then I thought of all the censorship, all the things I said because of anger or stupidity , or whatever…
Hand goes to the chin..
Hmmm..
I don’t want to change what it is,
I do want to change what it makes..
So I looked way back, 1500 posts or so.
And I sounded like this, flipping through the nonsense I typed
“No, no,nope, no, no,,,wait!… there’s one, there’s one clever idea in that dogshit pile”
The way I play wizard, I’ve been told, and this is self-ego-inflating, I’ve been told
“Moments of brilliance”
Same with music.
Average dude, fingering average chords, but every now and then…
“Something”.
And I’m proud of those little moments..
I’m proud of when I could pour it out..
That said,,
I don’t want to reread my blog.
I don’t want to sift through the litter box like that…
I also don’t want to give it up.
Because it means something to me..
So..,,
I’m going to try, because I care, and I’d like to show more sides than anger, more thought than shit jokes, more feels than self pity.
We’ve been through all that.
I was able to get it out..
ANd I’m grateful, I’m grateful that anyone would give a shit,,
And I don’t want to be fake,,
Don’t want to give up imagination,
Color in a bleak shit show landscape.
melody, emotion,,,all that stuff..
I’ll figure out what I want to do.
I like people that are smart on the other levels,,thinking about deeper stuff and having that stuff,,,what do you call that?
(Empathy)
Gay.
Empathy is weak as fuck.
Be self absorbed, it’s what all the cool kids are doing..
Jokes.
Hey..
Thanks for checking out my brain ðŸ§
Means a lot to me.
I don’t have to be entertaining,or feel like you have to be “on “.
I like that Alan Watts stuff, the flow.
I try to find it.
dawn 