dawn

My sista got 4 divorces.

That’s most of the fingers on your right hand.(hopefully)

At what point, I mean, at what point are you like ” hey,,,maybe the problem is me”?

No kids, points for that.

A life of education, charity,church,

Nobody likes her, or she has bad taste.

Kinda funny, kinda tragic, all real . US raised psycho blood..poor girl. Maybe she’ll figure it out, she figured out everything else.

She doesn’t love anything like I love things, she’s got interests, investments,motivation,, she doesn’t make anything. Didn’t get that piece of the bloodline.

She’s also not shifty.

Super put together. And I love her and I’m rooting for her.

you got rock and roll? you got blues? you got both? How could anyone have both? I don’t believe that’s possible. You got nothing and everything. Of course I miss fucking drugs.

hey, hey , hey ,,,,

how fun….would my diary be…..with drugs?

We’re talking about nothing here, but I’ll say in honesty,

I miss drugs.

The first time I did an OxyContin, Mandy told me, she said

“put it in your mouth for a few seconds”

(that’s what she said)

You suck on it for a few moments, you see.. there’s a coating on OxyContin pills, so fucks like you don’t snort them.

Anyways, you suck on them and then wipe the pill with a paper towel, it takes the coating off. Then you take a razor blade and shave off a bump of powder.

My first experience, I thought she was full of shit. But I took the bump, and in about 15 minutes, I went and rested on my back, out in the yard, 19 years old.

I watched this leaf, falling from a tree, at night, in the streetlights. And this leaf just circled around and around, coming closer towards me. And it was bliss. Some feeling I’d later miss.

Little circles, the leaf just traveled in little circles all the way down, floating towards me.

Then it landed on my nose.

I thought to myself, “I’ll never forget this”

pure bliss.

Of course I miss real drugs, fucking of course I do.

Alcohol ? pot?

small time. small time exploration.

Drugs are better, but they’ll kill you. And I’ve been very good, because I know that, and I don’t want to die.

I was wayyyyy fuckin cooler on drugs.

but I’m also at peace with being less cool.

So there’s that.

Sister doesn’t understand love, neither do I,,but we’ve both come a long way, so whatever.

i’d rather have the random