dawn

Open your emotions.

Open sesame

(Open says me)

A brief stroll in the woods,at night, heading towards some little cabin.

You can see a light through the windows, but it’s dim, someone is definitely inside .

Tender territory inside the skull, a little compartment with nerves traveling across the walls,,

(The inside)

The inside place, yep, this is where the magic happens.

(If you’re lucky..)

Luck nothing.

I know what exists,everyone else has a little chamber in their skull, and the wires drape across the ceiling, just like in my skull.

(Touch one…)

——

Is there any living person you wish to make proud?

ANd the next question is “why?”

What is that desire?

Where the fuck does it come from?

You’ll look out the window of the cabin, and you’ll see all the people fighting with themselves over nothing.

Trivial.

Waste of fuckin time.

(Why?)

You’ll glance at a typewriter on the table and you’ll think

“For them?”

I’m supposed to give away, and be open to the real, I’m supposed to export that, and give it to them.

( the why?)

Mehhhhhh

Spent a lot of time learning not to care.

Spent a lot of mental energy making sure that grind didn’t kill me.

Lot of time being angry.

Talking mad shit.

(You’re supposed to like, care about yourself enough to try)

Mehhhh

I hate you sometimes.

(Hate that I’m right)

Yeah, i know,,,

Still fuckin hate ya.

(What about them?)

What about it?

I have nothing to lose and that hasn’t changed.

I DO connect with the ball, it’s rare, but I’ve done it before, I’ve won a crowd and I’ve had people clap at me.

So I made myself proud because I won a room.

I have felt that exact feeling of triumph.

I know it exists.

(And alone?)

Yes, I have made beautiful things in the headphones , moments where your eyes roll into the back of your head and you don’t even have to look at the fretboard,

Zen,flow, possessed, automatic, whatever, I have hit it.

I know it’s real.

(Do you care if anyone is proud of you? Ever????)

……

I could say no but I’d be lying.

I’d much rather be a creature worth observing.

(Mean that?)

I do….

(Why you so mad at the church?)

I dunno,, just past stuff and overall feeling. I really do feel like the majority is a scam, and the game is super transparent. Makes me mad.

If Jesus were real I think it’d make him mad too,, seems like somebody needs to overhaul that institution. They have done a lot of damage

(In terms of history?)

In terms of anything,, seems like the whole story was not good for humankind.

(Or it’s real?)

Impossible.

It’s impossible for those people to live and die for old stories.

(Or to kill)

Or to kill.

Or hurt, or starve, or declare eternal enemy.

If your religion doesn’t have forgiveness in it, then your religion is extra foul.

Gotta forgive, gotta forgive yourself, gotta make yourself proud and legitimately be able to stand as a proud living human.

Considerate.

Open minded.

Helpful and encouraging.

(Playful?)

Sometimes, yeah, maybe,

Fuck around with people but do it with a good heart. If Jesus had jokes they’d probably be like that,

Jesus seems like a ball breaker.

Also I’d prefer it if my messiah was funny.

Major shortage of jokes in those old books.

—–

You come to know what it’s like to operate in a vacuum ,after a few years,

And it may contract and it may expand and there’s always plenty of time to think.

(The way is flawed)

Probably.

Probably an imbalance.

You can be anything you want, and you can conjure up a little crown for yourself, but out there?,,,

The vacuum don’t count.

Nobody cares about how many dots you can connect in your head , nobody gives a fuck about what you’ve found or what you’ve neglected.

But you hold down a job, because that’s all that’s really important.

Everything else is non contributing , wasteful, not making any money, not growing a business, just out there with the other gears…

(Perplexing)

It’s hard to know,, let me rephrase that,,,

It’s hard to know when I’m doing it right. Everyone has a different version of right, the goal post moves for each individual.

(Diary,guitar)

And taking shits.

Video games are nice for friendship and communication, but not the same.

Guitar, diary, taking shits.

I care about those three things.

And my cat.

ANd my family.

(Expand)

Real talk, dude ain’t bullshitting, I’ve made it this far… I’ll be fine.

Ugh, 😩 I hate a banjo

——

The cat’s been in a cuddle mood and I love it. Sometimes when he’s lying there and he instigates being spooned, cradled in the arms.

Squinted eyes and deep purrs . Soft face, content.

Happy little guy.

Chilling in the moment , not going anywhere, knows you and trusts you, happy in the space. Fresh out of the shower, kitty is comfy, and all is right in the world. Another week of work isn’t so bad, nothing I deal with is so bad. Happy cat.