dawn

You come home to sadness.

Mom is tearing her way through a bottle of vodka..

Slurring the words and stumbling.

There’s dog shit and piss on the floor, And we’ve been through this… I’ve told her

“Barbara is going to have you committed”

She snapped back

“I’ll never leave”

Well…mah… You won’t have a choice.

Those people will show up and they will see how you live, and then you will have no choice.

You came from the medical, you know how this works.

Then I took some paper towels and I cleaned up the shit and piss.

And I fed all the animals she neglects while I’m gone..

(cats)

Yeah.. The strays are My strays and I accept that. I’m the one that fed them, and I am the one that they love.

We’ve cleaned the house.

Scrubbed, mopped,

But everyday, by the time I get home.. she’s fucking in it.

Trent reznor ain’t got shit on this downward spiral..

It’s like the battle is lost, everyday I get home.

She’s already lost.

So I get high.

And round and round we go.

In the codependency book by Melanie Beatty, she spends a few chapters on the importance of detachment.

Separation.

So you’re supposed to say

“yo Mom, you’re fucked up and I gotta let you die .. from way over here”

(You don’t have the heart)

I don’t.

(at the cost of your own life)

I don’t have the heart..

But I have happiness in little places.

And after I feed all the cats when I get home, And they are happy, and I twist up a spliff and stand in the backyard, pacing..

The best daydreamers are the ones that live inside of hurricanes…

There is no tragedy, there is no comedy,..

There simply IS.