dawn

On some bizarre level, I think I’d feel great relief with punishment. And in a odd way,I think I’ve gotten it.

So fate, karma, destiny.

Extremely important lessons that you were meant to learn and could only be learned in one specific scenario.

Thoughts circle back to fate, and it’s not the self absorbed,not the delusional,you are no one,, but.

Whatever is God.

Whatever is good.

Hopefully it tugs at you, so subtlety.

And there’s some weird feeling like

(it’s alright..)

It’s alright and you were supposed to learn this. You were supposed to suffer because it’s the only way you could really learn.

You were supposed to starve and you were supposed to drift in and out of madness,

So you could learn…

The part I regret is hurting others along the way. Whether intentional or not.

Shit man, Even words.

Even playing this bizarre game that is so far above my station in life.

I can’t explain it.

And, and I feel like I’m on my way to outgrowing the few people I love.

And.. fuck.

So much.

Just complicated..

(It had to be this exact way. It could be no other way)

By who’s design?

(you’d only be guessing if you spoke)

As always..

Wish I could surrender 😔

(maybe it was for someone else)

Maybe..seeds and soil and such.

Be good to your kids.

That sentence encompasses more than I can correctly articulate.

Situational, circumstantial etc.

If you have the relationship where you can be real with them, tell them how it is to the best of your understanding.

Or if you can discipline without sadism.

I don’t know What that means because I don’t have kids, but I would say

“try to be good with your kids”

Not saying to spoil, not saying to pad the sharp edges or let them go without knowing the importance of work.

I don’t know what I’m saying.

Maybe take a hard look at your family tree and ask yourself if it’s a good idea, there’s a lot of people out there that need adopting.

Just saying.

Some blood should probably be monitored, that might be wishful thinking.

Edit out the bad and magically impregnate The next five generations with super geniuses, free from all the drawbacks of having a busy brain.

That would be pretty good for humanity.

Or maybe just a cell.

A closed society that was meant to advance the entire species.

Walled garden ,full of wild flowers. Working on ways to leave Earth, or to supply water to the entire world, any of that big picture stuff in general.

You can take a few thousand people, let the rest of the population be, but you could take this group and you could edit their offspring.

Think the Chinese did that with a guy 🤔🤔🤔

No bullshit ,I think that’s the move. Edit out the crazy, keep the creation.

Seems wise to me.

(or you’re crazy..)

They told me bipolar.

Might be BPD though, or clinically depressed..

(or just a bitch?)

Yeah, maybe.

Is that what you want? Is that how I’m supposed to feel?

(I just want you to talk, cut the shit)

Alright..

I could use a cry, like a really good one. Then I could stop cycling within,

(maybe)

Maybe I need my ass kicked.

(maybe that too)