My homeboy bought a camera and a video game racing wheel, tossed some lights up behind himself,LED’s of course,
He set his stuff up and he hit “broadcast”.
Going hard at this racing game, and I’ve watched him a few times,,,he pretty much comes in last.
He’s better than I am at it, but that’s not what I’m thinking about at the moment.
Himself.
He puts his face and voice into the ether, tosses his identity into the abyss, injects his voice into the sea of voices.
(Why?)
Because he’s alone.
Because he’s so desperately alone.
Terrifyingly ,fantastically alone .
Where sadness becomes funny then it crosses yet another barrier, goes past it, to an ultimate sadness.
(Least he’s not talking to himself on paper…)
AH!
Touché.
So let’s think about it.
Why, do people do these things?
(Natural. It is %100 natural to fight solitude, by any means necessary)
And what’s the end game?
What is the “goal”
(You know the answer to that..)
Connection.
As we’re falling through the cosmos, a human hand feels very good to grasp…
I get it.
It’s sad but I get it.
He doesn’t hate like I hate, even if it comes and goes, he never operated like I do.
(What part of his new video game hobby bothers you?)
Doesn’t bother me,, it’s just,,
I know from playing gigs with him for years and years,, performance mode is unflinching,and you can’t chop it up or break balls,, you have to be on board with how cool he is.
And that seems like a flaw, to me.
I’m a huge pile of shit that wishes for death, frequently, but you should still laugh at yourself.
ANd if people call you names,, before you get defensive, you should ask yourself if they’re right.
And that’s where the really good insults come from.
When you’re right.
When you’re talking that playful shit and you’re right.
(Playful?)
Yeah,, mostly, unless people steal from you or invade your privacy,,sure, playful.
Hey,, just for the thought experiment..
You can see why I feel the ways I do, right?
I’m sure someone can.
Doesn’t make it right, or cool, or any way you’d want to be..
But you understand, right?
Or don’t ,it’s fine,,
I’m doing the same thing he is when he “broadcasts”.
ANd I don’t think I’m truly alone.
Not on all the topics,
(Many)
But not all..
Sigh.. just a fight.
I’m glad you’re here for me.
Jokes aside.
I’m glad I’m not alone.
(Imaginary friends are cosmic beings)
Or a stronger nature.
Whatever keeps you alive man..
Whatever keeps you from spewing hate in real life,,
I say fuck it.
Whatever you have to do.
(You should take your own advice fuckface)
I know,,day at a time.
Alright…
Alright alright.
I’m sorry about everything.
Hang on to hope.
No black and white through the blue
dawn 