I had this blog for a few years, in the early days of the internet, and I’d type every single day. 90% garbage, at least, probably 95%, just going on and on.No followers, no audience,,
One day, I went to type, and the site had been sold, 2500 entries just gone, just like that.
Christ it hurt me so much, to just see all those thoughts evaporate, to have no back-up,no recourse……Most of that shit was trash, I know that,,,,I’m aware of my ratio of good and bad thoughts,,,,
But I swear a few, a few were diamonds. Sometimes I’d go hard at myself in the paint.I’d open a faucet and try to let it pour,, it helped a lot.
I do not know how to utilize that or begin to understand,, but I swear, a few times were really decent,, even a broken calendar is right a few times a year…
That was then,,,
If I died right now and went to hell,,, it would probably be Satan making me read everything I’ve ever typed,,, cruel.
It’s confusing sometimes, being alive. I wouldn’t call it “pain” but it’s really confusing. A kind of puzzle. I get fucking lost, and I tap out.And it’s only on me. Nothing funny about it at all,,,but that makes it a little funny 🤣
I will figure it out. I know I will…
If I stop typing, that means I’m trying, I’m in motion to the best of my ability…. so …… I think I’m going to bounce,, but I’m not hanging from a tree by an extention, alright? cool…..
I stand by the act of typing. Not the product but the act, “bleed if you need to bleed,man”
dawn 