dawn

The pleasure center of your brain.

Dangerous stuff, messing around in there,(long-term) A folly.

(but also magic)

—

I almost cried today,on purpose , I was trying to..

The fucked up part is, what I was thinking about, trying to make myself cry.

I was thinking about crying.

And how sad it is to go years without letting anything out.

Makes you stiff, your muscles and bones and posture, walking around carrying something..

Just-a-carrying.

A hindrance,an albatross around the neck, a stone that is small enough to hide but weighs more than anything.

That shit bums me out 😢

So I was trying,ya know? Trying to think about how important the release is. So I pictured myself crying,but at that point,

It was too funny.

Visualizing myself crying, trying to initiate crying.

So there I was,

Two mirrors pointing at each other, casting hallways into infinity, trying to cry by visualizing crying.

Ridiculous.

When I realized this, my color changed a little..

Not that important. 😂

Crying is important.. real talk.

It’s an important thing if you can get there, seems like it matters to emotional well-being.

And I’ve had dry spells,

Very,

Long,

Dry spells.

Not a tear, not a drop, not a milliliter of human eyeball fluid.

Not on some tough guy shit, just on some “how it goes” type of shit.

Not good for ya,

I would say, from my minimal understanding of emotional well-being,,

(very minimal)

It’s not good for ya.

And if the stars line up and you’re in the mood for that level of vulnerability, that level of surrender, that humbling experience..

Shit man, be proud of it.

Bunch of cold mother fuckers walking around out there, acting like nothing bothers and they got it all figured out.. cause they’re them.

(Gangsta.)

Not so.

Not quite.

That posturing is for the rest of the monkeys, but behind closed doors, in the late late hours,,

Carrying something, carrying some shit and there’s nowhere to put it.

Be glad if you can cry, it’s not a weakness.

There might be a silver lining to the whole thing, there might be magic in them there feelings folks is talking about.

(on the other hand..)

Don’t freak out and fly off the rails,

remember it’s a sacred and solo thing. Those tears are just for you , soak up the solitude.

Not a team sport.

Crying is like listening to Enya. Perfect and soft and bliss and a truly precious moment…

But you don’t want anybody seeing you do it. You don’t talk about it or share.

I’m recommending Enya to ZERO rednecks.

Cry nothing lol.

Cry eventually.

(hopefully)

Hopefully