I had a friend that got his drama all the way to suicide once.
He went to the emergency room and told them that he didn’t want to be alive.
So they took away his shoelaces, and his belt, and they sent him to this place for five days.
Apparently wrecked the fuck out of his money,and if you knew his whole story,you’d understand how he arrived there.
But when I saw him after that,he sounded so grateful for five fucking days off from his own bullshit.
Sure, he picked up some tricks ,some techniques,
Cognitive behavioral therapy, etc. breathing techniques, gratitude exercises, but mostly he seemed happy to even have a minor pause from his horrible ass life.
That shit we fall into.
…..
He really really wanted to be famous. Wanted that rockstar thing.
But a particular woman, and then 4 kids,,, this guy was trapped in his day job,, loading trucks at a distribution center, wrecking his knees, crushing his muh fuckin soul.
And he’d write, music, sad songs exclusively, super sad shit, and he got through his five days,then he went back to his life..
Sadness.
Then the woman left him for another man, and he had nothing. She took all his money in child support.
4 fuckin kids.
But he was happier, because he was free. Free from her and free from the noise spilling out of 4 children..
Here’s the thing.
He told me when they were pregnant with their first daughter
“I don’t get it, she’s on the pill”
Sorry man, I don’t think she is.
Then it happens three more times…
Eesh…
When bad meets worse,
And I see people attracted to fucked scenarios like it’s gravity,like it’s magnetic,,,
Childhood…
Think it all comes from weird childhoods …
What do I know?
I don’t think he ever truly wanted to kill himself, I think he just needed a breath.
Just one.
What’s the word?
Respite.
Sanctuary.
Garden of Gethsemane.
Behind the waterfall.
Peace…
I went to chemicals, he went to codependent love , well… I did that too..lol
El oh El.
I’ve seen that story a lot and I can’t figure out why.
I really think chemical intervention is the answer, But professionally supervised chemical intervention.
On one hand, a happy little worker bee, doing some job that is beneath you.
On the other hand,,
ThAt daily grind is a m***********.
The day in, day out nature of it all.
Not for everybody, just some brains. Some brains die. Some brains vibrate with anticipation. Some brains phonetically bounce off of the walls of the skull.
Some brains get angry, and they don’t know what to do with it.
Some brains get sad.
Some brains get tired.
Some brains reach this odd place of melancholy acceptance.
Some brains be f*****, just fucked.
And some brains are only f***** part of the time.
Think time and cycle has a lot to do with it, The where when and why of it all.
How did you come to be here?
Well…
The brain.
Obvi.
Can’t turn it off 📴
(the brain can also be fun, and wonderful. It can be a joy)
You’re not wrong…
You’re a fuckin drag more often than not, but you’re not wrong…
(silly ass 😉)
Silly ass brain 🧠🧠 doin all that brain stuff…
(It’s a good thing we keep the struggle private lol)
I know right 🤣🤣
Thank God 😂🙏
dawn 