dawn

I think that contemplating the existence of soul is a perfectly reasonable place to start.

You don’t have to give any money.

You don’t have to persecute others for lack of cleanliness.

You don’t have to judge.

You don’t have to surrender.

“Little spark”

Little identity,little uniqueness, little impossible math of genetics.

You.

Awake and aware , cognitive and concentrated,

Little, tiny, you.

Then I think of building.

One of the most fantastic experiences I’ve ever had in video games,,

A world in Minecraft.

Me and my two online friends had been working together, and building this one world for months and months.

Working on the road, every night in a hotel…

Connect to the WiFi,, meet up with my friends and build.

Talk.

Laugh.

Find common ground and let yourselves work together..

Regardless of differences…

Work together…

And we built.

We built like musicians and the best band practice in the world is “natural flow”.

When other human beings are on the same page…

The opposite of the outside world..

(What the world feels like..)

I digress.

We built for months..

An epic digital landscape..

One payday I threw down and purchased a VR headset, and I put our world into a 3D virtual space.

It felt like..

If God could walk through the world he created.

Whatever your concept of a “God” might be.

Make one up if you need to, just to follow me on this…

Walking through something you made with your hands and mind…

More than that,

Walking through something you made with friends.

Minecraft friends.

Online connections.

Amazing..

So if there was a God,

I’m convinced he would want to walk through what he made.

Because I did.

I looked all around and I saw the glass structures in the sky. I flew through the transparent spheres and lush gardens.

I stood from a great height, and I looked down on it…

A microscopic version of something bigger.

An indulgent surprise within yourself.

A sense of pride without a drop of vanity.

You are the audience.

Your heart was secretly talking to your mind, they were holding conversations behind your back…

Your mind agreed, and it lead your hands.. there was an unspoken trust,,,

*let go*

Something so sweet, such surrender, letting yourself be a child, “playing”, playing without bounds or norms.

Something really pure.

(Flow)

Flow…

And I strapped this device to my skull, and I opened my eyes..

(In it)

Deeply..

So….

The Big Bang was natural?

A natural occurrence?

A matter of math.

Sooner or later, all life would spring into existence and all is chaos.

There is no reason, no purpose, you are merely a spec falling through the stars..

And there is no soul???

I can’t.

I can’t get there.

I can’t pretend to be like these other ones, and claim that I know,

Because I don’t.

And maybe I confuse personality with the concept of soul.

Maybe when I think of a person, I think of them as a little ball of light with shifting colors.

I think about the angles and sharp edges, I think about a pastel pulse at the center.

(Heart)

Heart.. what makes you who you are,

Underneath all your bullshit.

Stand in awe.

The complexity.

The mountains and the valleys, the rolling hills and the trees,

The fish,

The furry friends,

The flying fowl flapping feathers frequently,,the glide of them, the way they do it like they were born to do it.

Created to cut through the sky like that.

Effortless.

Dancing inside of math.

An explosion billions of years ago.

(Fills your head with all kinds of fun thoughts lol..)

I know right!!?

Maybe a side dimension full of entities like us.

They reach their finger into our side..

BANG!

Math in motion, forever, until it collapses in on itself..

(Made in his image…)

I was.

I am.

I put on the digital headset, and I walked amongst my creation.

Proud like a god.

A King in a side dimension.

Proud of what he made.

A manifestation of flow and all the good things inside of you.

The good parts.

Not your garbage… the real stuff…

(In conclusion??)

You shouldn’t let that pride go to your head.

You’ll fall hard as fuck.

The other humans around you will stuff their creations in your fucking face.

They’ll press into you…

YOU ARE NOTHING, MY CREATION’S ARE WHAT’S GOOD

ANd you’ll sigh.

You might get mad, you might get sad..

If you believe them, you lose.

I’m not proud of anything I’ve said here.

And I don’t give a fuck.

I’m sorry if I hurt feelings ,on purpose or by accident.

And you’re welcome for all the entertainment.

You’re welcome and I want to love people. No matter how short I fall…

Wanted to sprinkle my heart in there,, no matter what the medium.

Wanted to try.

I just want to touch the flow and I know it’s real.

You can go.

I’d assumed you would..

I;m sorry that this weird thing happened to the worst person for it.

And I’m really scared of giving it up, because it feels like I’ll be left with nothing.

A few guitar chords and scales,

(A whole bunch of problems….)

lol.

You shouldn’t let your problems keep you company hehehe

You should be around people that are good for you.

You should be able to find that.

People that act right and will treat you well..

That’s a tough one..

(Conclusion?? Yawwwwwnnnn….)

-Minecraft can make you feel like a God, in a very subtle and pleasant way..

-I still can’t give up the concept of Soul.

– There might be a side dimension creator that built all of this, and it might have wanted to experience its creation.

– I wish there was peace in the Middle East , the Lebanese guy at my tobacco shop is just the kindest person, the nicest type of person you could meet, and I see it in him… I really do.

I wish life wasn’t so vulgar.

And i wish you didn’t have to have your guard up like you do.

I wish you could trust.

And you could look at people and see the good in them…

(Time)

Alright.. I’m done.7