dawn

Another hard reality.

I only have creative skill on intoxicants.

I know that sounds like a lie you tell yourself, but it’s real.

My ability, is directly connected to openness.

My openness, is directly connected to brain chemistry.

Not an illusion.

SO it’s a tough spot, because I clearly love it, clearly love outlet.

Even if it’s all self medicating,,,gah,,,sucks,,,

I’ve convinced myself “that’s where the magic is”

Which is a foundation of failure, and some shit you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

I have years of experience with it though.

And I don’t like being “wasted”.

I like being just a little above.

It’s tough.

And I have to figure it out.

I’m convinced that I can’t have a normal life with this method, just have to give up what you love.

Things that make you “feel”.

All that gay stuff.

Talking.

openness,

Honesty or imagination.

Gotta toss it aside,

(Or you’ll be a martyr)

To nothing.

You’ll die to raise awareness of the nothing.

You’ll die to be a lesson.

(Failure magic lol)

My brain sucks yo.

Fuck this brain.

Didn’t ask for the genes.