So she asked me, and we danced back and forth around the word
“Xanax”
Benzo’s.
How does the wind blow?
Ask Mister Benzo..
But it’s like …like she knows..
Now,
If I could safely get my hands on ten a month?
Ten?
I’d be golden.
Just enough to knock off the shit when it comes around..
But she’s smarter than that, and she’s definitely smarter than me.
Tossing around words like “habit forming”,, I toss some words back..
“I have done Melatonin, but I developed a natural tolerance to it, and when I finally quit, I was up for three days straight…dead sober”
She agreed..yeah.. shouldn’t do that.
I’ll tell you like I told her.
I’m a ball of nerves.
Since I was a child.
And my brain never stops.
And it’s hell.
It’s hell to focus and do what you’re supposed to do.
So I dose.
This thing and that thing.
And it wrecks relationships, jobs, finances, responsibility..
Cause I gotta stay high…
Till I die, da da da die…
Gotta stay high..
And she said “I can hear it in your voice”
Yes,
Forced speech, hypomanic thoughts, jumping from one to the next..
Yes…
That’s what you’re dealing with.
And I don’t want to hurt, and I don’t want to hurt anybody..
Not ever… not ever ever ever..
But it’s hell in here,, it’s hell..
So she says…
“Hydroxyzine”
Let’s try that.. 3 times a day..as needed..
(How the fuck is 3 times a day “as needed”?)
As needed..
I need…to be dulled down… because I can’t steer this fucker….
High
Drox
Eee
Zine..
Let’s look it up
Ah,,an antihistamine…to reduce brain activity…FUCK IT LADY!
Give me 90 days..
Lemme get 90 days of that.. just to try..
She said OK.
SO now there will be a new element kicking into my body every day
That makes three.
One
Two
Three…
(Probably would have been easier to be abstinent and exercise..)
Shut up! None of that talk
(Uh huh)
Mmmhmmm…
Motherfuckers,,.,
Hydroxyzine…
Neat…
I feel ,,I feel,,I feel,,,,
(Choose your words..)
Calm.
I feel calm.
Peaceful.
(Synthesized)
Maybe…still calm..
Calm.. all we ever wanted,,, just calm,,things aren’t so scary,, things aren’t so bleak..just calm..
(Kudos)
dawn 