dawn

“You didn’t prepare me for anything”

Anything at all.

And now, you’ve strangled me, And you have passed your victimhood right along..

And I think you did all of this subconsciously.

Because you never looked.

You never took time, and objectively assessed yourself.

And you attracted the type of men that abused you.

And you let them abuse me.

Because you were so afraid of being abandoned.

As your life winds down, as you suck the emotional nutrients from your pets, as you drink yourself into Oblivion, in a pile of piss and shit…

As you put on diapers everyday, Because you can’t control your whiskey gut..

You have forced me to watch you.

You have forced me to be here.

And in that, I have disconnected on an incredibly dangerous level.

Dangerous to myself.

You have leached my autonomy .

Watching you is Like watching a fatal car crash, in slow motion.

And it hurts.

And the only boundary that I can set, is what you were most afraid of.

I have to abandon you.

You’re going to kill me.

Watching you is going to kill me.

And if I didn’t have your heart, I could do it without thinking about it.. without feeling any pain.

But I do.

I do have your heart and what’s underneath this is very soft, very tender and very loving..

And you get to watch it bleed.

And on a subconscious level, I know that you like it. Because it means that your tactics are working.

And by claiming the victim crown, you are transferring that, You are making a victim out of me.

And it makes me want to die.

And there’s a lot of reasons to get fucked up.

(not so many to get healthy 😞)

You have to love yourself.

But before you can do that, you have to like yourself.

But before you can do that, you have to forgive yourself.

Family of origin.

Circles, cycles..

Things that people have been through, but nobody really knows it like you.

No one knows your personal story except for you.

It’s tough man ..

(so are you)

Ugh… 😔