dawn

I’ve heard people express the sentiment that ,in the late hours, the mind tends to go to fear.

Shit man,

Easy to do.

Lots to be afraid of, very long list,,,,I won’t list them all.

It’s a great big wide world,the larger the number, the larger the variables.

To the ones invested in it, I’d say,,, nothing.

The edgy heroes would use lines like “this is all a ride”, none of this matters against the larger backdrop, it’s the fool that chooses to dig into this existence, it’s the fool that fails to understand “temporary”

But I get it, I really do,

If I were invested and my children slept under my roof?I’d probably own a gun. If I had family ,of course I’d want to protect them,

(How do you protect a dollar from inflation??)

Lulz.

If I were a different person from a different timeline, I’d care …

Sometimes I feel like I’m less than,

It’s no great knowledge or understanding to be avoidant of the greater “thing,”, it’s just,

Just what happened.

I talk a lot of shit and I mock them all, I stroll through a Walmart on my lunch break and secretly judge every person my eyeball lands on,,, but I’m really just jealous.

Reflective, the late hours tend to make my mind reflective.

(If you lean into fear?)

Then you go that route, you know how that goes.

Presidential election, international conflict, hyperinflation,media circus, sensationalize, general distrust of the media (new), general distrust of the government (old), general distrust of the system itself… broke systems, law,health,education.

General distrust of people..

Then you have religion lololol

China’s numbers and might, Russia’s heart, North Korea’s lunacy. Muslim versus Jewish, Versus Christian by default, and Christians are the fakest, and the whole thing might be a con,,

Very very possible,,,,

Nuclear weapons, engineered diseases, holy wars,,,mass shooters,,666 and the fallen angel , digital influence and manipulation,foreign dependance to a frightening degree, product war with the Cartels, death on the streets, death in the homes, death in hotel rooms..

Meh,,

I try not to let all that bother me.

It’s not like I have to worry about my kids.

Worry about what kind of world will be waiting for them.

Just fear, just old school fear, freaking out about watching things change..it’s always been happening,,people have ALWAYS been predicting the end of the world..

(There’s uh,,actually REAL threats in the things you just mentioned)

Nahhhh, everything’s great.

My little tiny life and mind could do nothing to help to bigger picture,,sooooooo,,,

(So?)

So my life is my own.

Just like yours is.

(Selfish)

I’d change it all if I could, but while we’re here…

-Smile like a child when you’re making things. Doesn’t matter what it is , doesn’t matter if it’s for the masses or just for the inside of your head. Fucking smile man. That’s some God shit, we all have God powers down here.A beautiful part of existence, dead people don’t get to make things,stupid.

– if you buy into fear, it feels like “they” win.

I don’t know what that means, just a gut feeling, feels like they want you to be small, they want you to feel helpless so no one changes anything and no one threatens their status or position.

I get bored with it.

I get bored with how important we think we are, as individuals..

Meh fear,,

I’ll engage with curiosity late at night.

I like the dark tea time of the soul.,if I fuckin’ feel like it.

I’ll wonder about larger topics and I’ll say some dumb shit,

But not fear. I don’t think I really give into that one, maybe a little,, but again,, I’m not invested.

I don’t say that because I think it’s cool, it just is .

I’m not in it, I’m not invested., like real life, I’m not even a part of it lol

If I weren’t so selfish ,maybe I’d spend time thinking about how I could help others, maybe I’d do empathy exercises on strangers, try to see through their eyes….

I dunno..

Human mind is a pretty selfish mind, we think about ourselves and that’s why we’re such survivors,

(For the most part)

For the most part indeed..

(You do regret path and choice.)

And repeat it, over and over

For sure, we’ve been through it,

(But no fear?)

Not often, sometimes, but not often.

Just inner chatter…

What do you think will happen in November?

Will the North ever really love the South again?

Will the city and the rural kiss and make up?

Will people ever stop ass-raping their neighbor for money?

Can we change who we are and how we speak? How we think and what we eat? Will we ever realize that you also eat with your brain?

(What you feed it matters)

for reals,,

Will an Atheist ever see eye to eye with a religious?

Will people stop being such terrible fucking monkeys?

Ever? Do you think we’ll ever stop??

Can people change?

Can you change thought patterns?

Can you change longterm repeated thought patterns?

Can you reform character and trust?

Emotional transactions?

Could one undo the very person that they are???

(Madness..)

Fear…-

—————————

Maybe we’ll die tomorrow, maybe my guitar will end up in a pawn shop after I’m dead, and the piece of wood that I’ve loved more than anything will be given to a spoiled child that doesn’t take care of it, or ever learn it, or ever play it.

Maybe my beautiful American guitar will sit in the corner, alone, gathering dust. It’s owner long dead, a string of half interested players traveling through,,in and out of her life…

But no one loved her like I loved her. No one learned her touch like I did and in return,,she did not sing for them.

Not like she did for me.

Perhaps some nice moments, perhaps some pleasant notes with the other players…

But never like I did.

Never shared the moments and the miles like we did.Never developed that bond that only comes with time…

And the piece of wood sits, in the corner, in the damp attic, in the trunk, after years and years the wood starts to decay,, she remembers me though,,all those hours we spent together, the unsaid language between us, the good times, the bad times,,,,

And scene.

I really hope someone gets my guitar someday, somebody that would want it and really appreciate it.

I think I get bummed at night more than fear,,

Maybe, probably,,

Brain gets busier,, I get it.

Glad I have a blog lolololololol