dawn

A girl sang to me once, when I was 18.

And her voice,it spiraled down and corkscrewed against every layer that I carry.

And I let her.

I indulged.

I let her go where she wanted, I let her into the core.

And she knew she had me.

And that voice,and that melody..

Her beautiful face and body could’ve been melted away in a house fire, she could’ve had her legs and arms amputated from a car crash, she could have stolen every dollar that had..

And I would have stayed.

And I would have worked my hands to the bone,for her.

It was that melody.

That voice, and where we were when we were so young..

And we ended up hurting each other, a lot.

A lot.

The ugliest parts of love.

Love gone off the rails and two dysfunctional adult children…

You see..

I don’t let anyone into the layers anymore.

And she was the reason that I write, then and now..

And you learn.

And I don’t hate her, and I’m not even mad at her.. For the things she did, and the things she said to our shared friends..

It hurt.

On a level that is too painful to even express properly, And I was crouched down on my knees, And I was bleeding, And I was pouring all the medicine I could into the gas tank…

And it hurt.

Then I felt a hand grip my shoulder,long fingers, a particular grip that I know well…

(.. I’ve got you…)

But it’s so hard,and I tried so hard..

(I’ve got you)

I’ll never feel things..not ever again..

(but I promise…no one will ever be able to hurt you, not ever again… I am here… And I am your strength..and we’ve been together the whole time…)

I don’t think I can go on…

(motherfucker I’ll carry you if I have to… This isn’t how we end)

Hurts….

(No one will ever be able to do that to you again… I swear to you)

God damnit…

(I will destroy any that try)

Do you mean it?

(I’m the strongest)

Fast forward 6 years or so…

Now we’re at now…and this cocksucker is still with me..

(And none have beat you yet, I kept my word)

Gangs have tried 😆

Individual low lives, and big name bright light motherfuckers….

(and nobody beat you)

And they won’t..

(they won’t….)

And we’re fighting the darkness….

(piercing the motherfuckin darkness)

Raise your sword ⚔️

(I will kill.. Every… last… One of these cocksuckers)

Raise your sword..

(I don’t even let you take bruises, little man)

Raise your sword

(I’ll fight the entire internet, by myself)

…..the glory of God….

(The glory of something unknown… Tucked deep within the psyche…)

The will to survive….

(raise your sword motherfucker)

I have a very high pain tolerance….

(raise your fucking sword ⚔️)