dawn

Highly difficult.

Seems harder to be dead sober and say nothing, harder than being drunk and saying way too much.

“does one speak to be heard?”

or to work shit out. fuck it,right?

You ever think about prayer? I realize that most people don’t ,and of course I don’t practice it,, but I definitely was sold on it as a little boy. All the time. I’d go inside my head and talk to whatever I perceived “God” to be.

Seems like most religions incorporate prayer,even the ones that suicide bomb each other and treat women badly.

I suppose meditation pointed at something counts too.Watch some ants,try to feel that Buddhist perspective…makes me want to go vegetarian .. We were all children once and I was a very sweet little child, talking to my imaginary God…

Hey, just for fun, let’s do a little experiment, let’s take 20 seconds, let’s let everything be quiet, internal and external, just for fun. 20 seconds, try to reach out to the universe…

“Holy Father…. what’s good playa?”

Blasphemy, or a stab at a laugh, let’s start over…

Let’s not project to a man in the clouds or to a white Jesus, or to a corrupt architecture designed to take your mother-fucking money.. let’s think about galaxies. Let’s think about ALL the galaxies and let’s visualize them in motion, swirling around and spinning out forever,,, let’s zoom out and out and out and out..

When you’ve zoomed out far enough,as far as you can, try to project what you’re feeling,without agenda, without stacking sentences in your mind , without nouns or verbs or adjectives. Without asking for anything, without inherent curiosity, without bitching,,without any intent except for being there . Picture the whole damn thing in your mind and let yourself stand in awe.

Now try to communicate with it.

If words assist your imagination, use them. If you prefer colors or musical tones, use those. If you prefer math, daydream about yourself floating in front of the entire universe and speaking to it through math, (and never getting laid)

very still, very quiet.

So…

if you could speak to the entire universe, seems like the one place you could be honest, really honest.

What I say to it and what you say to it,,mmmmmmm,, I think those are very private things.

Still, a strange exercise , talking to everything and nothing, talking to yourself, going past talking at all.

I absolutely understand why the religious are seen as “crazy”. I also hate the fuck out of people and don’t trust them at all.

Conversely, people that are really attached to these systems and games we’ve built are often miserable too.Seems like we get really invested in it.. i dunno..Whatever is right,,,it’s probably in the middle somewhere.

I do this for me, I speak and I play for me. Expression,even if clunky, scratches a nearby itch to prayer. Which is bananas,, I know.

I hope good things happen for people and I don’t always hate them.

I have no desire to stand before the entire universe and be a shit-bag, I also know that it can see everything, and I also know that the mind is amazing. You could live in a hut, you could live in a cell, you could live under a bridge,, the mind is still there,, take a look,,,it’s in a book,,a reading fuckin’ rainbow.

Sober Justin suuuuucks and I want to kick something, or hit something with my hands