dawn

Because I know you bitches care…

With some help from an outside force,, I have an appointment to begin receiving doctor prescribed,MEDICAL, non narcotic brain meds..

Because I can’t keep getting fucked up for the rest of my life… every day…

The last time I did this was….maybe 15-18 years ago..

Psychotropic medication… for the psycho brain..

There’s things I’m excited about.

And I’m aware that ultimately,,, I need a change of scenery and lifestyle..

I’m excited about changing how I play.

Excited about the hobby time.

Excited about the possibility of being open and honest, maybe enough to have normal relationships with people..

I’m excited about the possibility of “Dawn”.

Because I swear to Christ… these motherfuckers deserve to die!!

I digress…

I’m excited about work either

-stopping eating my soul

– or becoming numb enough to where it doesn’t matter..

Which is basically my last five years..

I’m excited about typing, going into the far out and digging into your own heart and mind…

I’m AWARE….

That a pill doesn’t fix.

It’s not fucking magic and it’s not some miracle..

That’s not what I’m saying..

I’m saying…

My brain, and your world….do not tend to get along.

Partially because I’m an asshole.

Partially because you’re so full of shit.

I’m excited to not spend $60 a day on buttfucking Fauxpium.

Excited to look around and see what I need to do..

Excited to drop my nuts on all of you.

Excited to not buckle.

To not take a knee.

Excited to either

-feel strong

-stop feeling so low..

Excited to laugh at you.. you give me so much to laugh at.

Excited to leave this phase..

Excited to put it behind me.

Excited to cleave the resistance.

Excited to walk on a level that cannot be affected…

Happy… to grow out of this shit..

So.

If you meet people for a reason?

If there was fate at play and there is an underlying purpose??

Then..what’s that?

Where does that come from?

Why?

We’re flying through space, fate CAN’T make any sense..

And yet…

Perhaps you are subconsciously calling out, in everything you do.

You’re saying something, with every note you play and every word you type,,every smart ass response in an argument…

Maybe there is.

Maybe there’s a reason and a point.

Maybe.