dawn

Cat sits between my legs, a heating pad on lower back, beneath a soft blanket, not too hot..

Cold rain outside, frigid, not ice, the South doesn’t get a lot of ice, but still cold..

(Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra in Alaska ..)

Cat gets close when it’s cold, a motherfuckin heat vampire, wherever you be warm, he aims to settle in..

Fleeting.

The things I feel are fleeting and not to be trusted..

Just a blip.

A mood bloop.

They don’t even stay the same and they get bitter bitter.’

Nasty ,

Sometimes.

Super cold.

Detached.

(It sees everything…)

I know, i know it does

(Sleeep deprived…)

Nah i got a good four hours,,i just, i keep seeing these flashing colors..weird right?

When it’s dark, it’s a parade of images..

(At least it’s not memories..)

Ha!!

You right about dat.

Not the memory train torture, just flashing colors and images…

It’s funny, the things you’ll pay attention to, and the things you’ll ignore.

Ya see…

You can make it whatever you want.

You can do it in your own fucking head.

And you’ll be dead eventually, but you would have been dead if you tried too,,so,,,,

In the end..

Pointless is justified.

Heheheheh

This thing is out to fuck you.

These people are out to fuck you.

(Most of the time lol)

Yep.

Hard reality.

Most of the time

(Keep walking)

I’ll tell you the same thing, dickface.

“We keeps going”

(Until we don’t)

Until we don’t.

Another round.

Another day, week,month, year.

Be picky where you put your attention..

(And don’t trust whitey)

Here here..

I can make it to lunch

(Got it out???)

Yeah, I got it out,,,

Imma kill ALL these motherfuckers.

(Metaphorically, of course)

Of course.

—-

A few months ago, I typed about holding the door for an Arab man.

Middle of the day, some gas station in bumfuck…

I made a coffee, I headed for the cash register..

He stopped me

“Let me buy your coffee”

An Islam, I knew a few from Durham, they picked me up from the side of the road a few times…

Wants to buy my coffee….

Now, if it was a white dude, my response would be different.

(I buy my own fucking coffee, thank you very much)

But because I had previously talked with Muslims, because I understood the insult it is,,to deny a blessing.

I acquiesced.

On principle.

In this moment, this man is standing before his God, and he’s holding my hand and we’re both being seen.

(I yield.)

I do.

I don’t care for another man buying my coffee, but this scenario is bigger than that…for you….

—–

I think I might be done with True Crime.

I realize that I put it into my head,every day.

These monsters.

Abominations..

There’s absolutely fascination with it,,

But I think I may have learned all I can learn…

I heard this story..

About a little boy.

And his mom walked into his bedroom, and the child had found metal twine, metal wire,,,, and he tied it around his penis and a cabinet,,, then he was leaning back with all his body weight, pulling on his penis.

“Pleasure and pain,, stuck in this game, calling my name…we all gonna die”-2Pac.

So this kid, this young boy,, had found something bizarre. A very bizarre little slice of reality..

What do you think happened?

What do you think he grew into??

Then there was this other guy named Dean Correl…

Yeah.

I might be done with true crime, it was a good ride.

It was fun, observing these nutbags.

I don’t like them..but…

They’re still more interesting than you or I.

By a lot.

Living to be remembered seems like a novelty crusade,, but they will be,,

Awe yeah…

They’ll be remembered for being monsters.

Being black marbles in a sea of color…

Fucking lunatics..

—

The South should realize, people would take you more seriously if you didn’t speak like that.

Just saying.