dawn

I bet it feels amazing when a person surrenders to Jesus and really means it.

Good lord, think of how wonderful it would feel to let all this stuff go.

Your entire past?

It must feel great,a lot of people do it.

All that nastiness out there? All the meanies and vultures, troubled people projecting at you, from all over the world.

Then you get this one buddy.

This one pal.

He says very softly, right in your eardrum,,,”none of that matters”

You smile a little because you know he’s right. You know that once you see, once your spirit is awake, all that darkness becomes obvious.

And the reason that strangers are such dicks.

And the reason that people kill, and the reason they’re all so upset.

But your buddy has a hand on your shoulder, you don’t need to hang out with them, you’d rather hang out with him.

Cause he’s cooler.

And real.

And he knows everything about you.

And he still likes you..

Of course I understand why people still surrender to Jesus.

And I wish I could get my head to that place,, but alas….

Christians give it too bad of a name and I don’t want to be anywhere near those people.

And I don’t believe the story.

Not really, wish I did,,,,(frowny face)

I think mankind is too crooked and I think those books were absolutely used to manipulate across centuries.

The whole thing might be a metaphor,, maybe for some alien shit, who knows?

My point was….

I do envy a person that really believes.

In some weird way.

Geez Louise the surrender sounds nice.

Just dropping all the bullshit.

I bet that is nice….

———-

I realized that it’s been a few days since I masturbated and that’s really not like me.Hasn’t even been on the brain, carnal stuff, so I mentally convinced myself that shower time was the time and like… I couldn’t get into it.

I did eventually and all’s well that ends well, but just in my mind, like,,I couldn’t muster up the care.

And that’s scary.

Can I talk to a priest about this?

What would Jesus do? In this exact scenario?

(He’d probably take it as a wake up call and he’d get his fucking priorities together)

Yeah…I think that’s WWJD.

If he caught himself disliking and distrusting people so deeply,,,so deeply that he needed to make an effort to beat his holy dick,,,

Not even wanting to think about people, not even the physical….. Jesus would probably be worried…

Not enough real world solutions in the Bible,, not for my fuckin’ problems,

Cool book though, a few role models, Old Testament God is a dick BTW.