dawn

You shouldn’t worry what people think about you.

Not ultimately.

There is a portal.

And it’s easy to say,

“be this way “

Just want.

Want want want.

Me me me

Self absorbed.

I’m less like that if someone is with me, so it’s more about describing solitude, I guess.

I don’t know.

I’m a basket case..

With a guitar pedal addiction..

People like to mock positive outlooks, it’s typical.

It’s fine.

Makes sense 🥱

This and that 🥱🥱

Yeah yeah

How many people get to pour the heart out?

You should, ugh,

You should, doesn’t matter how.

Better than walking around with it,

I know that’s true, down to the bones,,, no matter what.

(otherwise you’re just a monkey on drugs)

Yeah..

But that’s not a monster.

It’s not.

It’s not.

So there.

(reach a point where encouragement feels foreign)

Yes, in the mind prison, yes.

You spend so much time in it, it’s just you, alone and rightfully so.

Beyond..

So.

Does it make you sad?

(sometimes)

But only when people are nice.

When they’re dickbags (most of the time), when they’re assholes you’re above it.

Solitude works in the presence of the typical , awful human..

It is a super power.

Being able to cut ties because you were never actually here.

It was never communication.

Never anything.

So I was alone.

(unless a cat was around)

Or mom.

Learned behavior.

Wired that way..

(you’re going to die in here)

I am.

Eventually..

Through abuse of my own vessel, mind.

A fuckin drag…

(that girl likes you)

She does, and she speaks with such kindness and empathy and caring.

Feels foreign..

Having someone compliment you or act like you have some sort of value.

I’m fucked up.

A shitty and rotten person.

I will bring you nothing but problems and I shouldn’t be close to people.

I shouldn’t even be around people.

I should build a box ,under the ground, I should fill the walls with concrete,then I should crawl into it to Live,

Like the cockroach that I am.

No one should notice.

No one should remember who I was or what I noticed..

The other monkeys should print tshirts, displaying statements, calling for the boycott of my right to exist.

(doesn’t matter)

Nah, nobody cares, doesn’t matter..

I like her.

I like her mind and her heart and she’s better than me.

She’s beyond it.

And I don’t deserve her attention.

I’m a walking trashcan, and I hate myself a little bit more, every single day I wake up.

I hate how I behave.

Hate how I move.

Hate how I speak.

Shouldn’t have been born..

(shouldn’t have spoke your mind 🤣)

Yeah…

You’re right.

But I did it anyway! 🤣

I kept going!

Sad .

(high on fauxpium pills)

I told the truth, overdramatic but I still said it.

Wish I could vomit out my heart onto you…

Just a big mess.

Greens and browns and a little blood.

Blehhhh..

Soul vomit 🤢🤢

Bleh !