dawn

( you need me, it’s scary out there)

It’s just too fuckin’ weird man, all of it. And I noticed someone heard me, so I weirded it up, I hammed it up, make yourself mockable and it’s a simple recipe.

( A mistep)

But still funny. Made me laugh.

(And then what?)

I just kept talking, I mixed in real stuff with nonsense and I found something cathartic

(But?….)

But of course it fucked with my head, how could it not? Put yourself in my position. Some dude crossing into his midlife, a sea of dumpster fires behind him, yapping his fucking mouth, talking like he knows when you know he knows not.

(But?)

But still talking. And finding some positive feeling in it. Realizing the importance…

(But?)

But dumb as fuck, often wrong as fuck, and being heard, at a level no one could ever expect….of course it fucks with my head.

(Pretend no one is there)

My imagination is good, but it ain’t that good.

( then you’re playing a game with them. Just like all the other pleebs.You’re doing some sort of dance and playing with your words.Fugazi. Poser)

Guilty—-But I also invited no one.I asked zero times, so it becomes a matter of principal.

(Lost in the weeds)

But talking to legends. Inadvertently shouting up at kings and gods, like I don’t give a fuck.

(You clearly don’t)

I like silly.

Manipulation abandoned, discard the trick of shock value.If you say crazy shit, people are bound to say ” hey check out this crazy shit”. That’s my fault, I used that. Often…It’s a trick I picked up somewhere, and it runs parallel to being yourself, being a natural born weirdo, letting that freak flag fly, as God intended.

That said.

I don’t consider myself worthy of being heard, or sympathy.

It’s not low self esteem, it’s just reality.Picture a little kid ,coloring in the corner of a day care, babbling to himself. That’s me.

8 billion other mother fuckers on this rock,they all have opinions, we don’t listen to them, who has the time?

Logic.

Logic dictates.

In closing, we’re probably both at fault.

You wanted to peek in ,because a dumpster fire is hilarious, but I had more than you expected, and I am impervious.

That’s a weird thing to look at, even if it is just an act.

Soooooo……

I fed off that and wasted the fuck out of your time, and it made me laugh, because it’s a perverted vengeance for being stalked.

And that might be the punchline.

And I’m the only person that knows, and it makes it even more special. I can laugh to my grave 🤣.

but it’s still stupid.

Still no point out here, just trying to figure it out,

All of the sudden, it’s funny again.

All the bad English, poor sentence structure,fuzzy memories and self grandiose,,,, nonsense.

And I fed it to you with a spoon..

” here comes the airplane! Open wide”

( but why?)

I dunno… I was bored.

( you’re going to hell dude…)

I said I was sorry. And I meant it and mean it and will continue to mean it.

I’m wrong as fuck.

( you’re exhausting is what you are, a god damn energy vampire. And self revolving.)

Yeah,,more here than anywhere though, because no rules.

( you should bash yourself in the face with a hammer)

I fell off a pool slide when I was a little kid, slipped right from the top of the ladder.Straight back,, the back of my head hit the wet concrete , blacked out,

( on Ritalin? In the summer? With no home-school classes?)

Always on Ritalin, in development.

( would you suggest parents not put their children on medication?)

Yes. Parents… you’re like, giving amphetamines to children, while they’re developing, what did you think would happen?

Common place in the 80’s, doesn’t matter now.

( so where are we at?)

Typing makes me feel better. If any person or situation gets in the way of that, it’s defeat. It can only be considered defeat.

So I’m here, at a new place. ANd no one else is here, so I can say things you can’t, I can do things you can’t, because no one cares. No one is listening and I’m here for it.