Boss man lets out an audible sound ,to let me know he’s standing behind me in my cubicle..
“Hey..”
He’s holding out his fist, the coronavirus fist bump.
I instinctively pound it.
“Wanted to say you’re doing a great job”
It’s like he knows.
I don’t know how he could know, but he just knows me.
Knows when I’m off.
I think it might be his brother, he has a brother that I remind him of greatly.
Guitar player, free spirit, skateboarding dude,,
The brother has a kid though,,-
—-
Doing a job is nothing to me.
It just takes a drop of sincere interest in the work you’re doing, everything else is autopilot.
If I didn’t learn this along the way…
(Fucked)
I truly would be fucked.
Truly.
Validation feels good, in ALL things.
If it comes from you, it feels wonderful to hear another human being say
“Hey,, look what came out of you!”
Then I think about my turds,,, if you really want to see what comes out of me… fauxpium constipates, so you only get a real shit every other day or so..
And they are…just so compressed.
Like you could build pyramids out of them..
Pretty special poops…
I’m high right now, I took my after work dose but I skipped the lunchtime one,,,
The conversations with this girl,,
I only know her through voice and personality, and she is….
I think she might be a true empath.
(If there is such a thing)
So the conversation was getting real, and I wanted to pull the ripcord,,
(Coward)
She’s a therapist in training, she is exactly the type to inspect and eventually,,,,fuck,,what’s the word?
(Penetrate)
Yes.. that’s the word.
Her questions kept getting closer and closer, and I wanted to ghost her ,out of discomfort.
(Such honor in you..)
She’s in the city walls man!
Getting into deep territory..
So I had it in my mind.
I will speak my peace, I will wish well and express sincere admiration for the rare thing that she is,, then I will go.
Because that’s what I always do.
I always have to go , until I’m away from the noise…
(So what happened?)
This bitch started texting me encouraging messages, at work!
Cognitive behavioral therapy tips.
Life hacks and messages you’re supposed to repeat to yourself every morning!
Shit like
“I am worth love”
Or
“Whatever is behind me does not define the story of my life..”
(The nerve)
I know!!
Can you believe it??!!
(Bitch is a joke word)
Without a doubt, she calls herself bitch as a jokey term, I don’t mean it like that.
See,, I got to know her, and I enjoy our talks a lot. It’s fun making her laugh. And she seems to like talking to me..
(I swear to Christ, it’s like you’re actively avoiding reasons to try)
I know…
She understands medication, so I can tell her what I put into my body everyday without judgement, it’s like she’s free of judgement.
Which is exactly the kind of person I was needing to talk to.
Kindness and understanding..
All that gay shit.
(Recap)
I’m supposed to say nice things to myself, in this current place. With restless heart syndrome and a monkey on my back,, I’m supposed to say
“Nah dude, you still a cool motherfucker underneath all that”
While living with irritability.
While daydreaming about murders I’ll never commit.
(The cat likes you)
Because i give him food,
(Nahhh. They like you)
I wish I could kill myself and start over as someone else..
(Doesn’t work like that..)
Mmmmm,,,
(What satisfaction and happiness did you feel today?)
Fist bump from the boss man.
Encouraging , random texts from a friend I found by being the best wizard in the world..
(Gauntlet skill are everything)
Getting home and hugging Cricket.
Thinking about sitting Indian style and touching music stuff..
(Third world people got it worse)
Yeah, they probably do…
If North Carolina ends up deciding the election, don’t blame me, alright?
Either way that it goes,
I can tell you what people are like here, but it’s a mix.
In the cities they’re just as “evolved”as anyone. They like smelling their own farts and all that.
Don’t blame me.
Sorry about everything.
dawn 