The guy typing this needs to be dismantled,real talk.It’s going to take something dramatic to undo all the baggage.
I got on the internet to look,, yep, like everything else, it has become about money. $8000 for 6 days of Ibogaine treatment in Mexico,plus travel.
I don’t want recreation, I don’t want giggles and pretty colors . I want deconstruction. To the bone.I want to be someone else.I want to cry and surrender,start over fresh. I don’t think I’ve cried for almost a decade now,detached.
I need something dramatic,powerful,not to be confused with dangerous or haphazard.
I gotta let go of moms. Still give the love that I can,but not let her drag me to hell as she goes. You’d have to know her. hanging around someone just so they’re not alone, The guilt that is dispensed…palpable.
I don’t long for female companionship either,not at the moment. No desire to do that again.If you realize you’re a bag of shit, you’d only be bringing problems into someone else’s life.
“rebirth”,that’s a tall order. And no one single experience is likely to fix you.
I want to be well, to the point of having zero desire to come here and talk to the god-damn internet like a psychopath.
dawn 