There was a line in the song Zero, it came at the end of this huge build-up , like a pounding volley of drum hits.
Da-da-da—da-da-da–da-da-da—-da-da
“And God is empty, just like me”
That line pissed off a lot of Christians in my region,at that time in the 90’s,
Just the audacity of suggesting a creator could have flaws, or that it’s cool to be sad, or that the main good guy in your story is,,,empty. ANything,,,any negative speech about ANYthing remotely Christian..
Doesn’t matter to most, the line probably isn’t profound or worth thinking about, but like,, I wasn’t allowed to listen to that type of music. So of course I wanted to.
Months passed, and there was no internet so I had no clue of how the songwriter felt about the hate being thrown his way.
Then I read a magazine article, that’s how it was back then,you’d buy a guitar magazine for the stories and the tabs,,, In this article the interviewer asked him
“Do you really feel that way? God is empty??”
Asking if he was “anti-God” or “anti-religion”, if he really thought negativity was the way to go,
His response always stuck with me, even to this day, super smart guy…
“that’s just the mood I was in when I sat down to write”
That one sentence brought everything into focus for me, like the split second where the curtain is pulled back,
None of this is real,,, art-form.
Or
It is real, but in motion and without true consequence.
That song or story you just enjoyed was only the mood of the person expressing it…
Make believe ‘ish.
An angry comedian just wrote down his angry thoughts and made them digestible, an author gripped on to a feeling and told a story,,
Different time. The 90’s and it’s music and art,
Some super skilled white dudes doing drugs and expounding on the sadness of rain falling, ultimately bitching,,,super clever about it, but really just bitching about life.
At the end of the day ,,,,
But alas..
I think we’re supposed to grow past that,as individuals, I think that’s part of what all this is,,but wtf do I know?
My bitching knows no end,, I went to download all the rambling of last year and I glanced,,
Bitching,,,
I continued ,,,,
More bitching.
9 out of ten.
Well over a thousand entries,
How embarrassing….
SO much bitching,,,
Like a bitch ass mother-fucker,,,
That’s on me lololol
Yikes….eesh…yowzers….
I recognize , I regret without getting hung up on it,,
I don’t apologize for the act, there’s times when it helps,,,
I wish I didn’t bitch so much..
But back to Mr.Corgan,
“It’s just the mood I was in”
Doesn’t mean it’s all reality, just venting..
So I’m conflicted…
Takes us back to the beginning ,,,
It feels like defeat…
If I shut the fuck up , it feels like defeat, But I think I need to .
Bums me out.
But on the bright side, at least I didn’t dump that shit on strangers,,bystanders ….
A prominent YouTube personalty pops up in my feed.A motivational guy I like,, super smart and articulate…
Big bold letters.
“I DARE YOU TO DISAPPEAR FOR A YEAR”
Dude man, I dare YOU to disappear for a year.. or better yet, I’ll disappear for a year if you stop telling me what to do for a year,,sound fair?
Scouts honor,,If you stop talking like you “know” for one full year,I’ll stop talking altogether.
It’s not my business to tell people what to do, that’s why it’s ok when every walking monkey with a heartbeat puts it right in your face…
“I know, and you don’t,, but I want to help you know…”
People are thirsty for help, you know it, I know it,, so the cynical could say that every person extending the therapeutic hand is only gaming the system.
Ahhhhh,
Logic,, logic always wins.
Doesn’t make them bad people, just running with what works.
The song that never ends,,,(you’re bitching)
Shit…my bad…
Thumbs up to the world, I hope you thrive and succeed and I hope our better nature shines through. I hope this thing gets better and better and I hope all the tribes prosper.I hope the problems are troubleshot, I hope people develop a sincere desire to speak the truth. I hope they also realize that it’s ok to be wrong if you admit it and work on it. I hope they let go of the old thought, I hope they appreciate community but don’t let it influence. I hope they realize how dangerous it is to be entangled by strong voices reading old books, I hope they see through and come to peace with whatever God is, whatever their individual version of God is, even if it’s nothing at all.I hope they understand the universe big as fuck, creation or no creation, design or chaotic coincidence. I hope they see beauty and scale and remember that it’s there, and I hope they feel secure enough to speak on it, I hope every homeless person gets a new tent and a happy meal. I hope the group can get a grip on what drugs are and make an effort to correct the ship,, dangers, benefits, and of course the root, the root, the root.I hope for a generation that gets told the truth by their parents,regarding ALL topics. Imagine an entire generation of truth junkies…..I hope the 2024 election isn’t the circus we’ve been watching ( good luck). I hope people can get along, and maybe maybe maybe,,, notice this game. I hope people can get along, I hope they can, I really do. Harmony is such a better route than anger, raging, screaming,,mocking,,
I don’t know how we get there,
I just like typing.
Talking,,, you might get there with enough people talking to each other.
dawn 