Iso Icicle,swirling ,tumbling,falling.
Fades.
Leaves kicked about in the breeze, contrasting brown against green.
If you close your eyes and you think about it hard enough,you can feel yourself traveling through space. Picture you’re on a giant ball and it’s constantly turning,and you can feel the speed if you can just dial into it..
I do regret.
Can’t live there, still a relevant part of it.
But I do.
Try to have some degree of honor.
You can be sorry ,you can be angry, you can be sad,,but what’s better is thinking of the way out.
Trying to.
won’t be beat, stand by that.
Just doing the whole thing wrong.
And I sent out an email to a Psych, in an effort to explore psychotropic medication for my irritating brain,
And she declined to take me on as a patient.
After a brief lulz, I had to investigate, because I’m a curious natured one,,
“I wonder what kind of red flags I put into that email?? Hmmmm”
(Too much Schizophrenic chatter?)
Heheheh
Of course not, this is the only place I do that..
Still,,,probably shouldn’t send emails off the cuff about needing mood stabilizers.
Leave the details out..
She could have declined for a litany of reasons, but that’s fine…
You should be able to go to a doctor and say
“I need pills. Non narcotic”
And they should check you out, get a little background and conversation,,then give you pills.
But you can’t do that,,they need the whole backstory.
All of it…
You’re supposed to unload on a stranger,
Be straight up honest.
You should be in a safe place to tell someone that you self medicate, for decades now,,because like,,,you need those pills.
Puts you in a bitch of a spot.
Wish they could just read my mind.
Or I wish I could plug the diary into AI and have it spit out the right pills..
Fuckin sucks,,
Feels damned if you damned if you don’t.
You want to love spirit, and you want to value being wild and off the cuff,, but you can’t manage life in a natural state. Not in the longterm.
And God can’t help you.
The veil has been pulled back from that antiquated way of thinking…
And I think he’s pretty pissed about the church becoming a money racket..
(If anything were real..)
I digress…
I don’t want to unload on a doctor, I just want a steady pill. Because the unsteady is catching up with me.The undercurrent.
Which I’m grateful for,, age and stuff..
I do admire wisdom, problem is, everyone thinks they have it. Everyone..everyone thinks they should be heard…And it’s gross. So I fart on it…
Need a pill and a new perspective.
I’ll still talk to you, don’t worry,,
(Promise?)
Yeah,,
You’ve always been there for me, even if you really are a dick.
(I’ve carried you ,little man)
I know,,just,,it’s not working.
There’s no goals. Internal or external.
So there no reason to be.
(The party ends for everyone at some point)
Yeah..
Good game..
(Gg)
If you destroy it,maybe you can dig down and try to find whatever is real.
Scream and wait for the next day.
dawn 