dawn

Of the people I’ve been close to, either in friendship or romantic or professional..

Less than ten,,shit maybe less than 7.

I think I’ve only learned from 7 of them, lifetime total..

And it’s not because the others didn’t have things to teach,,

It’s because I wasn’t listening.

And reckless abandon means nothing because you weren’t attached in the first place..

The internet accelerated that, immensely, amplified.

People are so disposable that it’s not even worth hating them, when you see someone comment some dumb shit, or when a person “postures”.

There’s no connection anyway, so who gives a shit?

Who fuckin cares what some nobody has in their head?

Also, they might just be fuckin with you,looking for the combination of words that sticks in your head..

I digress…

There’s only a handful, handful of real connections and characters you meet that seem like you were supposed to meet them.

Sentimental on the concept of soul and fate.

No evidence to back any of it up…

Reality is king.

People hurt me and in turn, I hurt them, practiced detachment..

I chill by myself..

But you’ll eventually look up, and you’ll see what is, and it means nothing to look backwards and be regretful,

There’s reasons.

Reasons that it goes this way, a positive affirmation would tell you to love yourself anyway.

I did this wrong,

I shouldn’t sit down to type in this mood

(There are no rules!)

Nah, it’s just, holding up an emotional mirror when you’re strung out,spiraling into the past and wondering..

(Misery.)

Yes! It’s a miserable act and if you’re going to loath being alive, then you shouldn’t say anything at all…

(Alright, you’re full of shit, so take a stab at positivity?)

I can’t understand them.

When I look, I can’t see what they see.

So if I wanted to make her laugh, it’s because I like her, and I want her to enjoy the time she spends with me..

Being fond of a person..

That’s also why I refuse to be funny for you vulture motherfuckers.

I don’t want to be uplifting to you, I don’t want you to feel good after peaking into my mind.

Because I hate you.

And I want to drag you down to the level of hell that my spirit spends each day in.

Toiling.

Ruminating ,

Anguish…

(Jesus dude..)

Just kidding,lol,

(Maybe half kidding)

That would be really sadistic, if a person thought like that..

SO if you ask yourself, “what have I learned from those few people I’ve truly been connected to?”

A lot.

The bridges you burned, you learn what not to do.

The friends you’ve watched go through a world of shit, you learn that we’re all trying, most will lose, but they’ll still try.

I liked feeling emotionally intimate with her, for that time, reality blares louder than fuck, but it felt the world to have someone think well of you.

(Because she only knows what you show)

Yeah. That’s some dirtbag shit.

I would be a dirtbag to continue.

Better to be honest.

At least with yourself.

(Talking shit his pretty fun)

It’s so much fun!!

At the core , I wish people would get along. I wish they would leave each other alone the way I wish to be left alone..

Eyes half closed.

Body taking a slow plunge down a rollercoaster drop.Sslow..

Copied like a motherfucker.

Yep…

“This game rewards you for aligning good“

You can want.

Own your shit nature and wish for it,

I learned to leave people alone, can’t do much damage when you’re not around,can’t let anyone in or try to get into anyone..

Just be your little monster self, away from people, take time to think…

“And I..feel..no pain”- siverfuck.

The way is wrong,,

I lost it..

Couldn’t give a fuck about the recipient, disappointed in myself…

Might take away sex with myself,

Might flog my own back for a while..

Might run full speed into a brick wall.

Might drag a knife across my bicep,

(Might shit on the enemies)

Might forgive them and move along.

Becoming increasingly guilty.

Focusing on the worst things..

Mad at myself…

(It’s alright man,)

Nah..I’m fucked

(Nothing is fucked dude, just in a mood)

All moods.

Nod..

Ddfwojj’

Nothing ..nniwfewuhn heir fhffh