dawn

Cricket is fine, he’s got years left in him.

I think the universe just wanted to remind me, some lesson about “fragility”.

You have to be able to let go.

Or you’ll go mad.

You’ll grip on too tight,

And you’ll live in suffering until you die.

Tragic.

But my guy is up, he’s playing and he’s scratching the shit out of my hand, and he’s eating and drinking.

Feels like I was spared.

More than that, like uh,,,when going “clear eye”, emotions get complicated.

You might have even forgotten that you have them.

Depending how hard one doth traverse into the paint.. with buzz life.

With that getting twisted mojo,, for thrill then maintenance …

(Maintenance..)

Annnnndddd.

You’ll just roll on autopilot.

Day in and day out.

Cloudy eyed, dope gazed and pacing.

The shit is a Time Machine, and you’ll look up and realize that a huge chunk has passed by , and you successfully avoided giving a flying fuck about anything or anyone.

(Old story..The monkey mind is fascinating)

And tragic.

(And glorious)

Lots of capacity for all kinds of things..

——

Shout out to my bestie, he’s also gone clear eye, we ended up doing it together but completely uncoordinated.

Proud of him for that.

To uh,,,shit, how to phrase it correctly???

The details don’t matter, the digging in matters.

I don’t need to know what happened to anyone as a little boy or a little girl,

What I like,,

Is when someone expresses the work.

Expresses the importance of purging your dirt and all the shit that keeps you up at night, whatever the root cause of your intoxication desire might be.

I don’t need to know specifics and I don’t share mine.

But knowing that there is a process to purge and knowing there is such thing as “outlet”,,, I dunno.

Gives hope.

Which is a tricky word.

And having feelings is pretty vulnerable. And they can and will lead you around by the nostrils…

So…..

Clear eye.

Logical monkey mind ,,

There’s no art in here, so I don’t have to worry about the art taking a hit,,

Just a momentary pause in suffering.

Shit man, I suffer enough.

My homie suffers enough.

If it’s karma ?

Then we were ultra mega dickheads in a past life, and a good chunk of this one,

(But you’re not dead)

And there it is.

Contemplative will to survive.

Fuck success or victory, just the act of wanting to pull yourself out of the goddamn emotional gutter…

Doesn’t have anything to do with money.

Doesn’t have anything to do with “game”.

Doesn’t have anything to do with name.

Nothing to do with identity.

Just a choice between you and you…

(Everyone should type to themselves like crazy people…)

That’s not what I mean.

You can enjoy being alive with a clear eye, you’ll notice different shit, and you’ll save health and money.

ANd if you’re really good, you can make the cycle your bitch. Use it to your advantage..

(What about the noise?)

Let the world make its noise.

Doesn’t have to bother you.

(Glad you’ve mellowed out)

Just thinking,, ya know,, my favorite shit to do… jusssssstttt thinking.

And running off minimal sleep, hoping tonight is easier.

I often think of that Doug Stanhope bit about trying to fall asleep sober..

God damn lolol

SO well put. Flawless description sir.

Fuckin carnival up in there 🤣🤣

But that’s alright, I’ve heard you can learn to manage it.

(Fuck this diary entry)

Yea for real, too touchy feely, fuck people, I hope they all die.

Better?

(Cute)

Alright,, taking a stab at sleepytime.

G’night FuckFace.

—

-2am-

When Lady Gaga had popular songs, she also had a producer that had to sue her to get his fair slice.

For songs HE wrote.

That’s humanity in a nutshell.

Not a male/female thing.

Just a monkey thing.

She had no failure magic.