dawn

( awake at 4 am? Again? I’m noticing a theme)

I had a dream about a Chinese finger trap, I had one when I was a kid. I remember sincere panic, freaking out because my fingers were caught together and I didn’t know what to do.

(Just a toy)

Or an analogy,pull all you want, it only makes things worse. The only solution is to give in, to push.

( how about we talk about why you can’t sleep?)

I do sleep.

(Not steady, not for 8 hours, you wake up in panic. Like..all the time. What do you think that says about you?)

How could I know? How could I know what my machine wants? How could I know what is unresolved?

(Must be a symptom of something)

Do you suppose that the unconscious and the conscious communicate? Do you think that they speak to each other?

( in a language that we can’t understand. Yes, I think that they do)

Soooo, before you can fix anything, you have to realize who’s sitting at the table?

(More or less)

A story of victimhood? Not a fan.

(Just reality)

In historical terms, who’s a bigger victim? The American slave, or Israel?

(That’s a hard left turn..)

Seriously though. If that shit is currency, then who is the most wealthy? If we choose to wear victimhood like a badge, who gets the trophy?

( cancer patients , the Chinese citizen under Mao ze Dong, Russia won WW2, not America, Russian citizens were the victim, Mormon children in fundamentalist cults, Jonestown, those children in class when a madman decided to make his name, to kill them all, the holocaust, Steven Spielberg showing it to you, the native Indian, gay men during the AIDS epidemic, the American black man ,targeted by the powers that be,shot,choked,pursued, the young junkie captured by illegal intoxication , preyed upon by Latin America drug entrepreneurs, dying for just a few dollars, the young female whom fixates on the image of other people, staring at her through a phone, forcing her to put her finger down her throat because she’s not pretty enough, Real victims…. all this other shit is just noise)

I have a feeling you could go on and on….

( you know I can, barely scratched the surface)

So ,, victimhood. What is it and why do people love it?

( because it instantly makes you a good guy. Solicits sympathy, None of your situation is actually your fault, you get a pass,,, because shit is hard)

And Lucifer was probably just a nice angel, he only wanted to do his own thing. Thought he knew better.

( or he just wanted to be free…)

You can’t really victimhood the Devil.

( not really , no)

Is it all right if I still listen to Israeli techno? I honestly kinda like it.

( why are you asking me?)

Lucifer was a musician and I always found that detail to be extremely odd. Why conflate those two things? The source of all evil on this planet, and music. If you were writing a story, why would you put those two things together?

( good question. Maybe because it’s weird? It’s weird enough to make a person pay attention. Something as complicated as music, something as terrifying as evil? Tie them together and the imagination is the limit?)

Weird.

(Yep, pretty fucking weird)

So be good for goodness sake, Santa Claus is coming to town.