When you withdraw and hide away from people, the most painful thing is being fucked with.
By people.
People you know or strangers.
Friends. Family. Whatever.
When you retreat, you lock the doors behind you.
DOn’t want to talk to anybody sometimes.
No fuckin audience game, no opinion bullshit.
You just want to stay quiet and stay away from people.
During that state,, the worst thing is the outside.
Outside voices, shame rain, fuckin whatever whatever …
I’ll start this over,..,.,
Got my things for the workweek, the time off was nice,
I wasted it.
Thoroughly.
Top to bottom.
Games and guitar and cat chill.
And it was great,,and terrible at the same time..
Get real mad when I cant catch the beat, sometimes my guitar playing sucks like my typing.
Aimless.
Can’t lock in on an idea so you end up floating, and the special effects are cool for that.
But it’s trash too.
(But)
But every now and then it’s not bad, and sometimes I find the feeling.
And it’s nice.
So if I come here to process, and if I play to explore,,it,,,it doesn’t affect the outside world at all.
The signal is muted and that’s how I liked it,,,
So you end up,,,
Frustrated.
Fuck em but the evidence is right there…
You cant get away.
There is no escape.
And you get no points for giving up porn, or for giving up street drugs, or for holding a job.
NO respect I tell ya,,,,
Because it’s not good enough, and the world demands you to be awesome…
This is harsh,,,but I kinda think the world owes me a penis touch.
Which is a fallacy.
(A phallic fallacy)
A furious phallic fallacy.
Feral…
For real.
F’real feral, non Ferris fetus, foot stomping….
Scary..
It’ll pass.
Gotta put on the face tomorrow
dawn 