dawn

There actually are things that make me shut the fuck up, but they have to be good.

That respect has to be earned.

I’ll also shut the fuck up to avoid talking to people, to dodge engagement.

Speak when spoken to, that sort of thing.

The universe tossed some female energy at me, not a brag, and you get a choice..

“Engage, or do not engage”

One claims to offer a booty call.

One reached out and gave an opportunity for a “open door”.

One lives far away, and she’s tangled in ….a thing.

I’ve been that before, and i ain’t no fuckin homewrecker, on principle.

SO you go slow, you take the time to talk and you get to know someone,,, tell you the story.

-this is where I’ve been

-this is what I’ve done

-here’s where I fucked up

Of the three, I like her the most.

She’s a decade younger, but more mature than I am in some ways.

I like the scenario.

I like….how.

I like that she noticed me through skill, long before she say my face or knew my name or heard my voice..

Wizard.

And my ego and Id start blowing each other..

I see , I see, I see,,,

Your flow.

I see how you manipulate this situation,

See how you roll up on the enemy.

Calm.

Collected.

In rhythm.

Mr.Wizard.

Crowd control is my game.

Lock em up, shut em down.

And if I’m with a skilled Necro,(like said lady),,then it’s tag team Baby.

I will group them,

I will make them all follow…

Then I will bind them.

Then I will serve them to you, so that you might draw your life force upon my prey.

Half smile and a wink…

When it’s right?

You can’t stop it.

Try all you’d like.

You can’t…..

So…what I’m talking about is

“Chemistry”

ANd it’s what matters.

Not surface.

Not financial.

Not transactional..

Chem-iss-fuckin-tree..

And I like her.

But I’m in no shape, no place to go out there and try.

Wounded dog, licking his balls and farting in the thicket….

So…

You go slow.

You actually try to know someone…

Gross right?

How gay.

On some faggot bullshit, right?

Emotions and backstory,,

Lame as fuck, right???

Whatever, I do what I want- Eric Cartman.

What’s a good tip on $35?

$7?

$9?

I did my time in restaurants…

$9….

I like company.

I like connection.

I don’t like where I am or where I’ve been,,,

But you can’t change it.

Can’t undo …

I was quiet.

Healing and being silent…

It’s like the other two, the ones in real life, the ones local…

I don’t even think about em!

Funny, right>?

My entire life… I’ve always had a difficult time spelling restaurant…

Hate that word…

James Baldwin is the most interesting and talented person I’ve listened to in a long time.

And Bukowski..

But I needed a break from him… almost too much