I’m deep into this podcast about a criminal case, 4 murders, 3 of them horrible, 1 extra horrible.
It’s a uh,, it’s a story of revenge.
Which honestly, in my old age, just doesn’t make sense.
Because of one simple fact.
“You fuckin suck”
You’re a joke,
Revenge is stupid because these clown shoes ass monkeys aren’t worth it.
Extremely basic logic,, 6 year olds should be able to figure that one out.
So, I evolved past revenge.
(Forgiveness ain’t so bad)
Forgiveness takes effort,,,but I digress.
This true crime podcast,,like,,, you know going into it, the team loses.
You know they lose.
I wasn’t familiar with the case, but it’s clear..
“This doesn’t work out for the defense”
So,, I ask myself, what’s the interest?
(Process)
Aye.
Very true.
The process is interesting.
The law is interesting.
Justice feels,, it feels it feels,,,
Quenching.
Just something about it.
Something about the bad guy facing the music,, just feels good..
Maybe the attraction is in the gray.
“Did this person do it? Are they capable of such horror?”
If you answer anything but yes, I’d call you naive.
This thing we are,,, do you know how bad it can be?
Does that color stick in your memory?
Do you cycle back and think about it?
Tragic, but also a mental trap, yet another trap.
Would you invest time into a story about a bad guy?
(Does he get what he deserves?)
Seems that way.
Now, would you invest in a story of seemingly “good” people defending a bad one?
We’re talking about murder.
And the law demands representation.
I have to listen to something at work.
I’ve pretty much ruined podcasts for myself , I’m smarter than any given task, so I need to mentally escape into something.
I’m probably 20 or 30 hours into this one.
The culprit is a joke.
Joke of a human, just like you.
Got locked into a life he didn’t want.
Had to get revenge on the people that hurt him…
(Your list would be toooooo long)
No shit.
That’s why I ain’t got no list.
Yours probably would be too.
“Success is the best revenge?”
Fuck that.
Detachment is the best revenge.
I don’t even think about those monkeys.
(Most of the time..)
Sure….
Why would you listen to a loss?
Why would you give that any energy?
Principle?
Stupid.
People make really stupid choices.
The things they choose to care about…
I have a conundrum….
There is magic in me, but it’s directly linked to altered mental states.
I cannot survive a lifetime of altered mental states.
I cannot stand being sober.
I’ve done both paths.
Legitimate prescribed psychotropics .
Street drugs.
It’s been a long time, but I recall the doctor pills being a real problem.
Zombie mode, no magic, no spark.
Tough spot.
A part of me wishes the scenario was secure enough to do all the intoxicants I want, see what I can make.
It’s my fav…
The other part would like something resembling normality,
So it’s a tough spot.
I will think about it and I will continue to not care about you, because it’s not your problem.
My shit to figure out.
Revenge is not in my mind nor is it in my heart. It’s not what I’m into.
I don’t have to win, because games are stupid.
(Games against them)
Yes,, challenging yourself is worthwhile,,,
I have quit a LOT of drugs in my lifetime.
I liked all of them, in one way or another.
(Always need something..)
Yep,, peels back the layers, takes you to the place I want to be.
Tough spot.
Being a mediocre regular.
Miserable .
Pshhh,,
Not going to fix it tonight.
Why would anyone want to listen to a loss?
(Why would anyone wallow in a loss?)
Great question….
Still hot as a bastard out there..
I’m going to try to be nice tomorrow, I was nice today,IRL.
I’m going to try to do that again tomorrow.
It was my Mexican buddy, running into him first thing in the morning,, his energy derailed my whole “eat shit” vibe.
Even pissy moods are fragile.
Go out and derail a strangers self destruction.
Just for fun.
Just because you can.
You can take away something they love.
Wallowing.
(Interesting framing…)
You could do it, if you were good.
If you had skills.
(If you were on the right side?)
Aye.
If you were on the right side..
(Why would anyone listen to a loss?)
I can’t figure that out.
They wouldn’t.
dawn 